thot and die. (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fullthottle) wrote2019-11-24 11:58 am
fullthottle) wrote2019-11-24 11:58 am
TL;CR MEME
1. Comment with your character.
2. Receive comments from others.
3. Reply to their comments with long ballads and explanations of your characters' relationship throughout the game.
4. Endure everyone else reading your comment like the vultures they are.
Crystal with Illumi Zoldyck
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you: binch
BUT SERIOUSLY I ADORED THEIR CR. Like from the beginning it was mostly like, Illumi being this kind of bizarre straight man compared to Tamamo from the very first nicknaming of "Louse" that he absolutely rolled with because he didn't care, and then them suddenly slowly realizing they were more similar than they thought?? Like I think Illumi felt honestly, like, comfortable with her, which is more than he can say for 99% of people. He could be his terrible self who views people as objects and toys and tools and Tamamo would never chastise him for that at all.
Even now, he would hesitate to call Tamamo a friend (because he was just brought up to actively refuse to have any because Assassins Don't Have Friends), but deep down he really did like spending time with her even if she MADE FUN OF HIS FASHION SENSE LIKE HOW DARE. He would be happy to just hang around her and try on clothes and talk about how murder is basically a solution to every problem and just be a fellow mean girl! Their friendship is super hecked up, but hey, sometimes you need a fellow person to be your weird murderous assassin wingman???
Thanks for the friendship, Tamamo, he will honestly deep deep deep deep down kind of vaguely miss her and not understand why 8(
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But seriously, Illumi didn't give much thought to Chuuya, if only some annoyance at basically cockblocking him during aphro week but when he came to graveyard, he started to tolerate him and kind of...vaguely appreciate him by the end? Like, Illumi basically just Lost It in Graveyard, and now doesn't even really have much to work or go for so
Basically, he's just Depresso Extreme, so he's glad just to finally get drunk a lot with someone who won't go after him for that and also kind of understands his family situation so?? Thanks, Chuuya. Thanks for being his new drinking buddy.
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So I have to explain Something about Illumi in that it's 10000% undeniable canon that...Illumi doesn't think about people as people. He thinks of people (and himself) as tools and objects he can use. For his entire life he has been nothing but a soldier ant who works for the family business who doesn't see relationships as anything valuable unless a) he can use it to his advantage or b) he can get Power from them. Because yeah, deep down, Illumi wants POWER and CONTROL and he wants it bad, and he is drawn naturally to people who are powerful because by being able to use them, he is able to get what he wants which is Bad, to say the least.
SO THAT BEING SAID, he was intrigued from the start by Higekiri because the man is Literally a sword (an object) and seems to be powerful (heck yeah Power) so that combination was like, Illumi Central. It was terrible. That's why he wanted to take Higekiri's sword, but when the man didn't let him, he thought, "well, time to try to figure out a way to manipulate Higekiri himself" because that's how he naturally works. It's also partially why he even went after Hizamaru, because Hige was right in that he did want to use his brother as leverage somehow, since Hizamaru was MUCH more open to his manipulation and he thought that would be an "in" to finding a way to control Higekiri.
Except.....................well.
The fact is, Illumi is a character who was brought up to be a literal killing machine and was basically told as a child that friends were only obstacles, that he would end up killing any "friend" he made anyways because he would want to, and that there's no point in bothering to make them in the first place. Hisoka, that terrible murder clown, is the only person who can even come close to a "friend" of Illumi's, and Hisoka is more than happy to go against him or hurt the ones he loves because in the end, their "love" for each other is basically a very warped give-and-take relationship with murder. So having some person who barely even knows him just go "we're friends" absolutely PERPLEXED Illumi. He couldn't understand it. Why be friends with someone if you can't use them? Why be friends if it's all just give-and-take? So he thought in the beginning that maybe Higekiri was like, delusional probably, and tried to put it aside to try to manipulate him through terrible attempts at romance and sex which.....didn't work. (Mostly because Illumi has never done anything remotely romantic in his entire life, and Higekiri is....Higekiri.)
So this just completely threw Illumi for a loop. He just could never understand why Higekiri wouldn't respond to ANYTHING he threw at him, except for just this weird stupid thing of "we're friends!!!". Illumi was so desperate for any ounce of control that he was like!! Fine!! Friends!!! And...........then suddenly Higekiri showed That Side of him which Illumi didn't even expect which....only intrigued him more because it suddenly reminded him of himself. They were both weapons, they both could kill without feeling, and while Illumi was cold through and through, Higekiri was able to mask it, and it fascinated Illumi in ways he didn't even comprehend.
The whole point is that he never did get to interact with Higekiri all that much but from what he experienced, he just couldn't get over it?? Like here was an object he can use who was powerful and yet didn't even BUDGE at his manipulations and yet, still liked him in the end even though Illumi felt that he had nothing to give in return. It's a very complicated way of saying that he has a Feeling for Higekiri, but I don't think it's romantic or anywhere near sentimental, it's just like.... a blind person finally regaining a slight bit of their eyesight and seeing something without understanding what it is, but being fascinated with it regardless. Like, does he like Higekiri and want to spend more time with him? Yeah, he does! Would he want to break Higekiri into a million different pieces if it meant that he could finally exert control over him? Yeah!! Because he's hecked up like that!!!! For now, all he can do is just?? Feel confused over Higekiri's existence, and not understand that Higekiri has a better grip on humanity and love and affection and friendship than he ever will, and maybe, in the end, that's what he was wanting the entire time. He just never had a name for it.
TL;CR what the heck were these two, dana
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